The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
