theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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