I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
