She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
