when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
