My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
