we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
