allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
