did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
