He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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