we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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