I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
