I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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