I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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