shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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