Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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