So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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