I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
