..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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