so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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