I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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