There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
