I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
