No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
