They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
