D3 body, D1 cock
We need to rekindle our bromance
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
