Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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