I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
