I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
