she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
