there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
