just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
