the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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