Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
A bitchslap is in order.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
