Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
