a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
