Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
