Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize