cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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