I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
