I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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