looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
