I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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