get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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