Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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