I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
