Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize