so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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