small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
