respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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