She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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