is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
