You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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