im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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