that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
