Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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