He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
