Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
