we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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