Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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