Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
