it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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