Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
