So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
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Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
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I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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