Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
