He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
