I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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